I really did not want to let go. My life would be empty, meaningless and totally without aim. I came home, alone, an empty bag in hand and a feeling of listlessness accompanied me as I went about my tasks today. Cooking, baking and eating just wouldn't be the same anymore.
My heart desires, my head has the plans but now the body does not cooperate. I stared out the Hyundai at passing cars and dumb buildings and wondered how long it would take before I were whole again, before I feel complete so that life could get clicking again. So that it goes back to it's delightful disarray and funny frustrations.
A week they say before they'd call and tell me what went wrong. A week? That's eternity. And then perhaps another week to make it right. Oh god. That's unthinkable. Unacceptable. Un...un...undesirable. Oh shoot.
What a strange thing. I had bought some yellow chrysanthemums today. I had thought it would brighten things up even more. You know...sunshine yellow....funny flowers, pretty in a glass pitcher...in the dining room...it should have been a sign of pleasure and happiness, a sign of good things. Oh yes, a sign it was, indeed. A sign that today was a day that surely needed some brightening up. Because something was about to malfunction and be gone.
On the way home today I tried to figure things out and arrange the next two weeks of my life in my head. The way physicists arrange complex equations in theirs. Taking out a minus sign here, replacing a symbol there. But in this case, the things I could do in it's absence, images of the past that I could fall on to. Or to contemplate with. Or that I could use without the assurance of its weight around my neck. Or the things I could perhaps write and blog about while it's away to fill this visual void. Such emptiness. But most of the time we never do find the solutions to our perturbations.
Whatever. I hope it will not cost me too much. Because if it does I might have a fit. It's been only two years. Our relationship. It and I. I and It. Which brings me to the question ...when your Canon 450D malfunctions should you love it more or less?
PS : This is not a post to garner sympathy...just laughs :P...I'll be posting on inspite of this temporary setback. But with more words than images perhaps. If you care that is.